Failure? Who, me?

At the end of the day, tell yourself gently, "I love you. You did the best you could today, and even if you didn't accomplish all you had planned, I love you anyway." -- Francois

Have you ever felt like a failure? I have felt like a failure for some time now. A failure as a daughter, worker, friend, Christian, and most importantly, a failure at being myself. I have lost sight of who I want to be because I was in survival mode for so long. 

I am in terrible physical health. My mental health hangs by a thread. Thankfully, I have gotten better with my financial health. Then there’s my spiritual health. I have felt far from God for so long. I have not read my Bible consistently in years, and to be honest, as a single woman, I struggle with impure thoughts. I have been living in my Christian bubble of comfort: not intentionally telling others about Christ, not challenging myself with Bible readings, and not turning away from the same temptations. 

For a while now, I look in the mirror and do not see someone I am proud of. 

This morning, I felt like ending it all (if you know my mental health journey, this is not a shock) because of a minor argument. However, that minor argument was one of many, and those snowballed in my brain to catastrophize my life. 

I sum up my life to my failures. Do you ever do that? Do you ever feel like you just can’t win in life or that you are tired of living in a broken record? This evening, I was listening to music on my way home, and  “David’s Cry” by LOST AND FOUND reminded me of God’s goodness in the tough times. David endured many tough times, as did countless others in the Bible, and so do the rest of us. However, God is there. He is always there to comfort us in those moments when we feel like a failure. Yes, life sucks sometimes, but we shouldn’t catastrophize life simply because of one misstep. That is what God tries to remind us by giving us good times. The good must outweigh the bad because life is ultimately a beautiful journey that is meant to bring people to Christ. Failure or no, Jesus saved your soul and my soul. 

Image: me with my poem and the painting that inspired it. I submitted my writing to a contest and only got an honorable mention. I felt like a failure that day.

Here's a poem I wrote last year. It discusses the wonders and struggles of life. Sometimes it is hard to look past the struggles, but God gives us the wonders that help us see Him in this life.

The Wonder and Struggle of Being Alive – 2025

There is both wonder and struggle in being alive.

It is like bearing the weight

Of crashing waves at high tide

To see the sun set over the horizon.

Sublime blues fading into

Transcendent purples, pinks, and oranges

While rays of yellow burst all around.

We bear the burden of breathing,

Some of us barely so,

To hear a child laugh,

Feel light on one’s face,

Taste your grandmother’s homemade cornbread,

Smell a bonfire while surrounded by friends,

And see a southern sunset over the waters

On a boat in the middle of a lake

That is full of your childhood memories.

The wonders of this world

Should make up for the struggles,

But some struggles kill us.

Where is the wonder in that?

Well, it could be in knowing our fate:

Heaven or Hell?

Each of us has the free will

To choose how we see the world.

Which do you choose?

Wonders or struggles?

"For affliction does not come from the dust, nor does trouble sprout from the ground, but man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upward. 'As for me, I would seek God, and to God would I commit my cause, who does great things and unsearchable, marvelous things without number...'" Job 5:6-9 ESV